The Remains

Each footfall fills the air with dust and ash as I wander through the remains. Ash makes my gasps acrid and dry as I try to fill my nostrils and lungs with air.

I didn’t set the fire. In spite craving the warmth, I tried to stop it. I knew what fire could do.

Fire destroys life with light and leaves charred darkness behind. Fire consumes the color of beauty with heat and abandons ashes in its place. Flames of brilliant light and radiant warmth followed by the cold, crumbling, black and grey remains.

What once stood a house of love with a foundation of trust, is ashes of disrespect and betrayal. I had nothing but a torrent of tears against the determination of an inferno to burn. My tears meant nothing.

My hope of salvage was to suffocate the fire by not giving it anything else to burn but I was too close and knew it too late. I was too much and not enough and the fire burned with vengeance. The fire was fueled by the wounds which came before and it burned what I was, would have been and could never be.

For all the agony of the burning, it is not within me to hate fire. Fire craves creating the warmth and light but once the burning starts, fires are driven to self-destruct. I saw it coming, I chose to stay and fight the blaze for a time but like the love I gave I burned to ashes.

There is nothing left to build and nothing left to be said or done but leave what remains behind.

A Life Not Lived is Lost

‘Let me not add days to my life but life to my days.’

A life on the edge. Living in the moment. Worst of all Clichés: YOLO (you only live once), stated loudly and often. I am all for living as if the moment I am living is my last. I have had enough close scrapes (scars and x-rays to prove it) I am fully aware this moment could very well be my last but so very few understand what life ‘on the edge’ really means.

Shattered Steel

Most of us, face life in various states of damage; we have all faced mental, physical or emotional trauma which leaves a mark. As hard as we try to hide it, those marks develop us, we decide if it is for better or bitter. The only certainty we have each day is: the day will end and we can’t go back and undo our scars. Each day new paths are forged and others become overgrown and fade behind us. I believe life should be a process of changing each moment to make it better than the one before. 

The Heart of a Horse

A handsome black paint

With one crooked leg;

Spirited dignity

And weakness combined. 

What is a Birthday?

Today is my birthday. So far, I avoided telling most people. Of course Facebook tells everyone for me and some people already know it’s my birthday and the calls, texts and messages come to remind me: it’s my birthday.

I Should Have Applied for Ask Alice’s Job

The last few months I have felt like a relationship ‘Go Ask Alice.’ People ask for my advice on relationships, friendships, life and love. I’m not anything special and I certainly make mistakes. I’m just a young lady who has been through years of relationships and years of single. I’ve done life with and loved men and women I’ve had the opportunity to call friends and family, and had the unique opportunity to watch almost 27 years of my parents 39 year marriage